Love Is Not Enough

Episode I

My story is about a confused mind with a little regret. 

My name is Shola Adeyemi Fani. 

I am an accountant, earning in the six figures, I have a good home and doing well for myself. 

I am a traveler, I love to meet people, visit places and create memories. 

I will say I am doing well as a young guy and living my life the best way I can. 

I knew/felt I could get any girl that I want so I never promised anyone commitment I believe in 

“let’s enjoy the moment while it last“. 

I was enjoying the friends with benefit kind of thing. 

My working life can be hectic, so I try to have fun during weekends. I chill in top hotels almost every weekend with different girls or I chill with my guys to talk about sport, politics or new investment. 

I am a baller! 

I love life, I love to enjoy life! 

My life routine was going well, and I never knew life would come for me someday in a way that would leave me in a confused state of mind. 

Sitting here now and reminiscing on who I was before I met her makes me laugh. 

There is this ritual I do for fun. 

I will decide one day in a week not to drive to work instead I will use public buses, the normal Danfo. 

Luckily for me, I need just one bus to get to the office. 

On one of those days, I sat next to a beautiful clean, fair lady; I was so happy to sit close to her. 

I felt the universe was happy with me for sending a queen to be in a public bus with me. 

” This is another one to be added to my list” I said to myself. 

I was so sure she would give me an audience because without seeing me; my black Opium perfume does the introduction! 

Unfortunately, this human did not look towards my direction. She was so engrossed with her phone; at some point I felt like dragging the phone from her just to get her attention. 

I kept adjusting my laptop bag to see if it would hit her fine legs. At least I would apologize and use the opportunity to start a conversation. 

She paid no attention to me or the bag that was hitting her, in my head what is this? 

I will soon alight, time is going, why can’t this girl just complain, sneeze, cough or even faint so I can have a reason to converse with her. 

None of my wishes happened! 

God was so kind she raised her face to ask the bus conductor for her change. 

Instead of the guy to politely tell her to wait a little longer. He started shouting, 

” Shey, I tell you enter with change, no disturb me oh una go dey give person stress” 

She responded with “ na so you go talk to me on top my own Mooney” 

Her voice was soft and sweet to my ears, and I decided to take this opportunity with both my hands, legs and head. Lol! 

I turned to her and asked how much her fare was and she said 200 naira. I checked my laptop bag and brought out 200 Naira and handed it to Her. She gave the conductor the 200Naira and collected her 1000 Naira note back. 

She kept saying thank you and I told her not to say thank you too fast because it wasn’t a dash. 

I saw the shock/confusion on her face with her lips giving me a smile 

She said, “how am I supposed to pay you back now?”. 

“Good question” I said. 

she smiled. in responses to her smile i said ” Be my friend” 

She burst into a loud laugh. 

Her laugh, the way she claps her hands and squint her eyes while laughing was contagious and sweet. 

She was laughing and I was laughing too. 

I did not want the laugh to stop! 

She said ” is this how you want to ask for my number” 

“Ouch, why shot me in the head ” I said. 

“Please help a shy boy” I concluded. 

she laughed again; at that point I knew I wanted to see more of her laughing face. 

She collected my phone and dialed her number, immediately I flashed her number just to be sure I got the right numbers. 

By the time I got hold of myself I realized I had passed my office’s junction. 

I came down and took another bus back to the office. 

I got to work late but I was a happy and fulfilled man! 

Immediately I settled in I sent her a message trying to know if she got to her destination safely. 

She replied after about thirty minutes, saying she did and thanked me for saving her from the conductor. 

I could not wait to close so I can get to know her better. 

Episode II 

My day at work was hectic but thankfully it ended and all I had in mind was to send my pretty lady a chat. 

Immediately I got home, I showered, took cornflakes and off to my bedroom to start a conversation. 

I sent her a message asking if she was home and she said she is about to retire to bed. 

I asked her how her day went, and things about herself which she replied as if she was waiting for me to ask. 

Our first conversation was nice, beautiful and sweet. She was a free-spirited person and made our first night conversation lively as if we had known each other for ages. 

I did not want it to end but we needed to call it a day because we had work activities the next day. 

We kept in touch; I added her on Facebook and made sure I commented on all her posts, and she does the same to mine. 

It was a mutual vibe and trust me I love talking to her. 

As time flew by, we became very close, and we talk everyday directly or indirectly (through comment on Facebook) 

Due to the way she comments on my page and how I respond to her, my friends began to ship us, some of the girls I used to have fun with began to send questioning remarks, but I always let them know Erica and I had no intimate relationship. 

I told some of my friends about her when we sat to chill, and I was advice to ask her out but something in me wasn’t ready yet. 

I don’t know if I was scared or If I was just taking my time. 

I wasn’t ready to get a no for an answer, I was taking my time to win her love; get her attached and then ask her out. 

Somehow, I was picturing her as my partner, she had all I wanted in an ideal woman, but something was restricting me from going further. 

Time was flying fast with her. I tried booking an appointment for us to go on a date, but she keeps postponing it. 

A part of me was praying she is not dating someone else; I won’t be able to take it. 

I summoned the courage to ask her if she was dating someone and she said no. I got a sense of relief and vowed to make her mine. 

I called her, sent her a chat and made sure I was in every aspect of her life in any possible way I could. 

One evening I drove to her street without letting her know, I called her immediately I got to her street and told her to please come out because I am on her street, she laughed and said I was joking; I persuaded her to come out first. 

She came out in a short three- quarter and an armless top. Her skin is as bright as the sun and her fine long legs are enough to make me give her my heart. 

I watched as she was walking while calling my number to find out where I was parked. 

I did not reply to the call, she kept on calling. Immediately she got to where I was parked, I opened the door to scared her and she jerked off to avoid hitting my door. Her reflex action was a combination of fear and avoiding getting hurt by my car door. 

Immediately she saw I was the one, she let a loud laugh out and rushed to hit my chest. 

I was smiling like a fool; I enjoyed watching her squint her eyes while laughing. 

I held her hands as she was about to remove it from my chest and she said. 

“What is doing this one, leave me” 

I quickly hugged her and whispered how much I miss her. 

She pushed me gently and said 

“Stop acting a movie script” 

I drew her closer, with my eyes on her eyeball, looking at her as if my life depends on her and asked 

“You think I am acting?” 

She nodded. 

I said “it is from my heart” 

She brushed the conversation away and said “. What are you looking for in this area?” 

I responded, “my heart lives here.” 

She gave me what are you saying look. I laughed and told her to hop into the car let’s go on an ice-cream date. 

She said she was not dressed for a date, and I assured her she was stunning in those shorts. 

I saw her blush! 

In my head, this is it! 

We went to a cold stone ice-cream joint not far from her street and enjoyed the evening with some ice-cream while we chitchat. 

I tried asking about her family and she asked me some personal questions too, along the line I noticed her countenance dropped. 

She wasn’t laughing too much and before I knew what was happening, she said she would like to go home. 

I tried asking her what the issue was, but she kept on saying all was fine. 

Episode III 

Our ride back to her street was cold and I kept stealing glances to look at her face to know if she would say something. 

She will just smile, hit my hand and say, “Drive well“. 

I was in a confused state of mind, but I obeyed her. 

We got to her gate, and I leaned back on my seat to look at her as if her face would give me an answer instead, she said, ” thank you for the treat” and was trying to open the door. 

I held her left arm, her face staring outside I questioned “I did something wrong Mi lady?” 

She said no with a smile. 

Seeing her smile mesmerized my head and it made me feel a bit relieved. 

I begged for a hug, she declined it and said, “don’t be too fast“. 

I tried assuring her it was a harmless request; 

She jokingly hit my hands and said “goodnight”. 

I watched as she left and waited till, she was out of sight before leaving. 

I called her immediately when I got home, and she thanked me for taking her out. 

We talked that night, but it wasn’t flowing as it used to be. 

I was the one forcing the conversation and it got to a point where I was becoming paranoid, I quickly left my phone to get a bottle of Hennessey from my wine shelf. 

As I gulped every little portion her smile flashed through my eyes, I began to imagine her soft smooth skin. 

I imagined her laughter and how she always hit me when she is trying to say something, and my heart vibrated at the thought of her touch. 

I told her I wanted to call her on video call she declined with an excuse of feeling sleepy. I replied; 

Why are you tormenting me? 

What have I done wrong?? 

Why keep me in the dark? 

Her reply was ” are you drinking” and I concurred, she instructed me to drop the drink and go to bed and I did exactly as she said. 

It sounds stupid now, but I was happy doing things she wanted me to do. 

It made me feel she cared for me. 

Immediately I climbed my bed I told her I was on my bed, she said “sleep“🤦‍♀️. 

I tried sending a chat she did not reply, I called, she did not pick. 

I was forced to go through her Facebook profile and liked all her posts and left sweet comments. 

After doing that I drank some Hennessey before going to bed and woke up the next day with a banging head. 

I managed to leave the house for work, but my day was unproductive. 

Erica did not send a chat, nor did she reply to my last message to her. 

By noon I got a notification from Erica. You need to see the way I clicked on the message. 

We chatted but it was not like the way we used to. 

I tried to give her some days to see if she would miss me. 

Stupid me, as if we were dating. 

I did not send her messages for two weeks and she did not see it fit to send me a chat. 

I began to drink more, looking at my phone to see a notification from her but nothing of such 

. 

One night after gulping a lot of Hennessey I could not take it any longer, I sent her a chat stating my annoyances and how she makes me feel like I am forcing her to do things she does not want to do. 

She tried letting me know how busy she was bla bla. I wasn’t buying the excuses and I began to pour all my frustrations on our chat. 

I realized I could only talk to her when I am a bit tipsy, so I kept on drinking to voice my annoyance. 

She then threw a question “are you drinking? ” 

Episode IV 

Her question gave my heart a smile. 

It means she is studying me and has a part that cares for me in her heart. 

I told her yes, I was drinking. 

She asked me not to get high and go to bed. 

I pleaded for a video call before going to bed and she declined. I went offline and continued drinking. 

I was angry at her for always saying no to my request but a part of me loved her stubborn nature. 

Days, months and some years passed she refused to go on a date with me. 

She kept on saying she was busy, tired etc. 

2years after knowing her, I drove down to her office one noon with a pack of pizza and a drink without informing her. 

I drove into her office location, got out of my car after offing the engine. made some adjustment on my shirt and carried my gift in my left hand, I used my right hand to lock my car door. 

I got to the reception and met a fine, slim, tall melanin lady with a little tribal mark. I introduce myself and tell her I was Here to see Erica but will like it to be a surprise. 

I planned with the receptionist to lie to her that her boss needs her attention downstairs. 

The receptionist called her through a brown intercom that was on her desk, before 5minutes I could hear a lady shoe on the stair way. 

Immediately she saw me standing with pizza and some drinks. Her eyes were filled with shock, she held her mouth with her palms and rushed to me. 

In her shock state she asked the receptionist where her boss was. The receptionist pointed at me and ran from her desk because Erica was ready to devour her. 

Erica kept hitting my chest and was saying 

“You, you, you” with her one in a million smile. Damn I loved her! 

Or maybe not🤦‍♀️. 

I gave her the pizza and could see her face turning red due to excess blushing. 

I told her I came to make sure she eats lots of junk today. 

She smiled and said ” Will you love me more if I am on the bigger side? ” I told her I would love her in any condition. 

I said that word and I watched her eyes scanning through my face searching for what I didn’t know. 

After sitting for a few minutes, I left and trust me when I say I felt fulfilled that day. 

I kept seeing her smiling face and how beautiful her eyes were. 

I know I was still seeing other girls during weekends and still chatting with few online, but Erica was always on my mind. 

No matter how busy I am I will always send her a Hi, I stalked her on WhatsApp and on Facebook, anytime I see her online I must send a chat. 

My plan was to distract her from any other male competitor. 

Thinking there is someone keeping her online makes me jealous and sick in the stomach. 

I loved chatting with her, I loved looking for her trouble, I just love having relaxing conversations with her. 

She was like a resting place somehow; I knew she would always give me her time whenever I needed it. 

After the surprise visit, she agreed to go on a date with me. 

Trust me, it was one of the best replies she has ever given to me. 

I was supposed to travel to London for an official assignment before our date and throughout my stay in London I was looking forward to our date. 

We chat, make sweet comments on each other’s Facebook page, some of my friends were already her friends and they don’t hesitate to tag her to my post whenever I post a picture of myself. 

I was still living my weekend life and keeping lots of female friends, but Erica was my buddy, and I wasn’t planning on leaving her. 

We talk about our day, some political issues, fight and settle online. 

Our communication was going well, and life was moving fast. 

During my stay in London, I meet Tacy who happens to be my current wife (yes, I am married and not married to Erica) 

She was friendly, nice and sweet, she told me she came for vacation and will be going back to Nigeria soon. 

We exchanged contacts and I kept in touch with her. 

My communication with Erica wasn’t like before immediately Tacy came in the picture, but I still send her chat once in a while. 

Episode V

I hung out with Tacy in London and realized she has a sweet personality and we connected effortlessly. 

I came back to Nigeria; informed Erica of my arrival and was looking forward to our date. 

The day finally came, and we went to a nice restaurant, I was dressed in black shorts and a simple T-shirt. You probably be wondering why I dressed so simply; the truth is with Erica life was simple. 

She was a simple person and we connected so well that I didn’t need to dress in a heavy luxury suit for her to see me. 

Coincidentally, she wore well-fitted trousers and a simple top too. 

Her hair was well parked with a little makeup on. 

Her lip gloss was captivating, I manage to listen to her request and quickly left our table to get our Orders. 

I got our orders and noticed Erica countenance has changed immediately I got too our table. 

I was trying to force her to talk, she was not buying the idea; I began to forget all the poems I wrote down for her. 

I tried locking my eyes with hers so she could notice me, but she did not move her eyes let alone engage me in a conversation. 

I tried bringing her back to how the date started but she wasn’t herself anymore, so I went mute and was watching her as we ate in silence. 

After eating I tried getting her some ice cream, she declined and said she was okay. 

I persuaded her but guess she made up her mind not to take anything. 

I tried touching her hands, but she did not refuse; she allowed me to hold her soft long hands. 

As I held her hands I looked straight into her eyes and said 

“Please be my lady” 

She smiled and said 

” let’s just be friends” 

I was sad, angry and wanted to know if I wasn’t good enough. 

I asked why, she said with a smile 

“ Because that is what I want Sholly” 

I loved the way she calls me Sholly, 

l loved the way she gave me a name only she can call me. 

I loved the way she does all her things. 

Why is she rejecting us to be official even when I know deep down, she has a soft spot for me. 

I dropped her off at her house and promised to let her be, I was done! 

It was draining! 

I am not used to chasing ladies. 

We stopped talking after our last date and I made sure I avoided her post, and she did not send a message or even comment on my post like she used to. 

I will see her online and avoid anything that has to do with her. 

During our malice period a part of me was angry and was missing her but I needed to be a man and show her I can live without her. 

I began focusing on Tacy more, I see myself getting attached every day and I was loving it. 

We hanged out when she came back to Nigeria, shared kisses some occasions and I must say it was beautiful. 

I did not ask her out. I was still taking my time. I wanted to be sure I was done with Erica before I could ask Tacy out; at this point mom was talking about me settling down so I wanted to cut my freaky lifestyle. 

One night after taking a lot of Hennessey I decided to send Erica a message. I said I can’t breathe. 

She quickly replied and asked 

” Where are you, what happened, who is with you? ” 

Going by her replies she was scared I then told her. 

” I can’t breathe because you stop talking to me” 

she sent an angry emoji accompanied with “Mtchwww” 

I smiled and told her I missed her; she did not reply to me saying I miss her. 

She went ahead to ask how I was and how was work I replied her saying 

” Please tell me where to meet you. Let posterity and my future grandchildren remember that I made better efforts for us to be together ” 

She read it and said 

” I don’t want a date” 

I felt like dragging the evil spirit in her life out. 

What sort of a human is this, 

I did not reply to her message, I just went out with Tacy, and one thing led to another we had an intimate time. 

I decided to move on with my life and let go of Erica. 

It was painful but I had to. 

I stopped chatting with her or even calling, I tried to give Tacy a big part of my life. 

After dating for a few months Tacy found out she was carrying my child, so I had to do the right thing which is getting married to her. 

Marriage will help me forget Erica, so I thought. 

Immediately I engaged Tacy I told Erica about it and told her to give a guy chance to love her she replied with 

“Congratulations my dear” 

I did not understand what she was feeling, why was I even bothered I questioned myself. 

Tacy and I planned for our wedding and had a beautiful wedding. 

I got lots of congratulatory messages after I posted it on Facebook, but Erica never commented on it. 

I was angry at her for not congratulating me online or even privately. 

For some unknown reason I still wanted her to be involved in my life, but it feels like she was gone forever. 

It was a bitter pill I had to swallow but I wanted to know why she never gave us a chance. 

Episode VI 

My wife gave birth to our first child, I posted on all my social media pages, I saw Erica viewed my status, but she never commented. 

I stopped commenting on her posts too and told myself I have moved on even though it was hard. 

Apart from the fact I liked her enough to want to have her as my wife, she was a friend I could talk to, and I miss that about us. 

Mind you, I asked her to be mine for 5years before I married my wife. 

Even though she declined my request, we were still close so after getting married and I didn’t get to talk to her again that made me feel some sort of way. 

I decided to be man enough and ask her why? 

I sent a message asking her how life is treating her etc. 

We talked for a long time, and I told her I miss the way we used to be. 

She said 

“I miss us too, but you are married now” 

I felt like slapping this human. 

I said, ” you are telling me you miss me now that I am married, after all these years! why!” 

She said” I am sorry” 

It didn’t make sense to me. 

Sorry, really? 

I poured out all my frustration on the chat and she handled it well, she is a sweet soul regardless. 

She apologized and we started talking but she made it clear it was strictly based on friendship. 

I accepted even though I knew it wouldn’t work out. 

We began talking, this time she likes my post alone without commenting I also like her posts too. 

One day I asked her to please let us hangout as friends. 

She accepted. I was surprised but was also overjoyed; the thought of seeing her again made me smile. 

She drove down this time around. She looked so beautiful, more than the last time I saw her. 

We chatted, laughed, drag over things and then I asked her 

” Why didn’t you allow us work ” 

She said, “you want to know?” 

I replied “yes” 

She said words that left me pained and clueless 

She said 

” I did not trust you, my heart wanted to, but my head told me you are a flirt, I did not believe in your words of love because your actions anytime we go on a date says otherwise” 

I asked her why she felt I was a flirt and she said 

Episode VII 

“ Every time we go out, I watch you get lost while looking at every lady that comes and goes out, I watched you look from their faces, hips, waist and down to their legs. If you could do it when I am there what will you not do when I am not there. It was a red flag for me and at that point of my life I needed real love, I have been through a lot” 

I watched her spit out everything in her heart, I watched her eyes turn red and her face dropped, it hit me. 

I told her 

” You never loved me dearly, if not you would have work on me and made me who you want me to be” 

she said ” LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH, I knew I wasn’t looking for someone to waste my time with, I knew I can’t change a grown man, I knew I cannot stand a cheat, so I let my head rule” 

I was speechless and pained but was glad I got to know her reason for saying no all these years. 

The rest of our stay was kind of awkward, so she decided to call it a day. 

We left in our separate cars; I watched her drive out and I loved the way she handled the wheel. 

I got home, tried my best not to show any sign of sadness or mood swing to my wife. 

I ate dinner and went straight to bed. 

My communication with Erica was not like before but we were on good terms. 

I like her posts and she do the same. 

After a year of our meeting, I saw her wedding pictures and videos all over social media, my heart could not take it I snooze her for 30days (about 4 and a half weeks). I wish I could block her. 

I had some sort of resentment towards her husband. 

I will go back to watch her in her wedding gown but will not like it. 

I never knew what the feeling of jealousy was until I saw her wedding video. 

Every time I see her post, I feel this sharp pain in my heart, so I decided to mute her. 

I wanted to block her, but I just can’t. 

She is married now, and I still want her to notice me, it is sad I get to live on this earth watching her in another home. 

She was my friend! 

She is still my friend. 

I thought I had moved on until I saw her in amusement park with her child and this feeling of pain came back again. 

I watched how she attended to her child from afar, and I wish they were mine. 

I did not call or get close to her; I don’t think I can stand her husband. 

People say act like you never met them because there was a time you never knew them. 

it does not work that way. 

Memories can’t be forgotten, and memories are the reason we feel hurt when we lose people. 

I have decided to say goodbye for good and live my life with my family. 

I do not know how, but I will let it go. 

There is a consequence for any bad habit. 

The end.