Informant In Love

Episode I

My name is Jumoke Adewale. I am from the western part of Nigerian, Oyo state Precisely. I was born into a family where love, respect and care is our watchword.

My dad was a billionaire so I had everything I wanted and needed, life was sweet (can I say still is?) until one-night armed robbers came to our house, took away our money, valuables and took my father’s life.

Before then, my mom stopped working immediately she gave birth to my younger brother who happens to be the last child of our family.

Dad felt he has enough that we take care of generations to come ” why will my pretty wife be suffering” in his words. Lol…

When we lost dad mom needed to stand up and take daddy’s position as the CEO of daddy’s company.

After 2years the force could not bring the people that killed my dad to book, I was angry deep down and somehow wanted to avenge his death.

I had this feeling of uneasiness and felt I needed to become someone who will bring evil doers to the open.
I kept on saying I will become a SPY when I grow up and mommy felt it was one of those gibberish words form kids.

After my secondary school in Nigeria I went to UK to study Criminology and security studies.

In school my books were my best friends, every time I sit for my exam, I see my dad and my mind kept reminding me of the promises I made to him.

There are times I wish daddy was here to see how grown we are and how mom is handling things right but as you know, some wishes cannot happen.

After graduating I came back to my father’s land to serve and was looking forward to getting a job and meet Mr. right!

Chilling at home one day when my elder brother, uncle Lanre as I fondly call him sent me a link to apply for a job as an informant/Spy. I reluctantly applied without thinking I will get the job.

After 2days I was called for physical test which I passed and was scheduled to undergo some training which will last for 3months with pay.

I was happy with life, and I was already falling in love with my new life.
The training was a bit exhausting because we had different people coming to lecture us with some practical dealings.

Before I knew what was happening 3months done and dusted with my mom cheering me as I went up the podium to collect my certificate and award.

I started work fully and everyday was challenging because now I was dealing with real life issues and not imaginations that were playing in my head.

Episode II

Immediately I got home I went straight to the kitchen to grab something to eat, after eating I went to my mom’s room to gist a little before going to my room to get a shower and strategies on how to handle Clifford case.

I sat down on my bed and held on to his picture for like 30seconds and somehow, I felt pity and tenderness for him. I dropped his picture and glance through his profile which devoid of his home address, or anything that can allow me to trace him.

Just then I saw Clubs 38, his favorite club. I quickly jotted it down and kept on checking for things that will expose him to me. I could not lay my hands on anything apart from Club38, so I decided to research on the club, their locations and days they have full house.

I got all I needed for the club and allowed my body rest.
I went to work the next day and my mind was all over his picture and crimes he has committed, one part of me can’t wait to bring him to book and be awarded for a job well done and the other part of me was filled with pity so I told myself ” Jummy,no sentiment in this business “.

I went about my day like every other day, reading news, complains and investigation.

Thank God it was Friday I will be going to club 38. I told my boss about my plans of starting Clifford case and he gave me his support and encouragement, lastly, he said.
” He is a bad ass man“
That word gave me chills but then again, we don’t deal with good ass men. Do we?
I got home and was feeling like a naive 15years old who has a date with her crush.

Thinking of what to wear and how to look my best. At the end of it all, I was dressed in a black short gown that was showing some cleavage.
I had my silky long black hair packed to the back with a little nude makeup to go with. Before leaving my room, I smiled to myself in the mirror and said “Jummy,you can do this. “

I had my recorder which is in form of a ring on my promise finger, took my phone and car keys and drove down to club 38.
Immediately I got to the parking slot, I realize I was tense. I quickly drank some water in my car and silently ask God to let him come today. I adjusted my face and put that killer smile on.
After the bouncers searched me, I put on my glasses and began to scan the club.

I knew for his kind of person he will be in the VVIP section; I check for my ATM and went straight to the spot.
Immediately I got to the entrance of the VVIP, some men came to me and said I can’t go in.
I said,” for what” and there were like” Boss is around, you can’t go in.“

I was like really with my eyes turning “who is your boss” I said.

The bouncers said, “Please madam go over there, I will not want to rough handle you. “
I said ” I will like to speak with your boss“

immediately I heard “Spencer, who is that Shima disturbing you?”
I traced the voice with my eyes and behold there he was!
Sitting like every other young, handsome hardworking men with his glasses that gave him this nerdy look.

His eyes were dark and the off and on light wasn’t helping me focus well.
The bouncer went to whisper something into his ears, and he used his hands to signal me to come.
I adjusted my gown with my eyes fixed on his and I saw him blinked.

I went to sit close to him without knowing what to say I gave out a smile and he said with a smile on his face which exposed his dimples. Oh, why is he doing this I soliloquize. ” I love your spirit, you are stubborn. I love tough ladies because I am tough too ” he said.
I could see lust in his eyes and somehow felt sad about it but had to stay on track.

I blinked and gave out a fake smile and said ” Thank you, I am Titi Crowder and you “

” Clifford” he said and went back to his drink while watching stripers dance.

Episode III

I sat down not knowing how to start a conversation without looking like a slut (why am I bothered with the way he will see me)
“Really is that all you will say“
I said without thinking through and he smiled and faced me while dragging me to his face.
I held my breath as if I breathe, he will kill me.

he said, ” young lady, what else do you want to know“.
I gave out my killer smile and said “everything about the boss, or am I not your spec”
He said”stand let me check something”

I stood up moving my body in a seductive way and was looking straight into his eyes.
Immediately I stood up.
He said ” My name is Clifford, have a good night” while directing me out with his hands.

“Hah, temi bami”. i exclaimed within.
I looked at him and went out with so much anger and hurt.
I have never felt insulted like that before.
I could not stay In the club anymore I went out side and sat down in my car with my head on my car steering.

Few seconds later I drove out and went home.
I got home and went for hot chocolate, took a nice warm shower and retired to bed.
Every time I try to close my eyes I see his face, how he spoke with so much authority with his deep baritone voice.

The way his glasses was placed on his face, his dimples, his smile and the worst moment when he asked me to leave, and I let out a sigh. I might have slept pretty late because I woke late the next morning.
The following week I went to work and gave report to my boss who asked me to double my plan and bring him to book.

For me to be able to execute the job properly I had to be away from the office. I took some documents and materials I will be needing and went back home when it was closing time.

I was at home trying to trace Clifford on all social media, tried driving to the club but declined. I could not trace him with anything, so I went back to think of how best to use Club38.
I sat down with my mom after dinner and told her about the case and she gave me her normal talk. “Jummy, leave this job. this is a man’s job,i don’t understand all these risk you are taking.“
I am used to her talk, so what I do is look at her while she talk.

I decided to go to the club again but this time around I did not go over, I sat opposite the vvip section and made sure I was in a spot he can see me if he is around. I was about sitting properly when I saw him standing up to leave.

I did not know what to do or how to approach him, so I sat down still on my chair and was looking at him, immediately he got to my side he looked at me with no expression.

I quickly remove my face while squeezing my purse.
Immediately he went out I called a waiter passing by to give me any hard gin available, I needed some alcohol in my system.

Who the hell is he?
After ordering for the drink, the only thing I remembered that night was that I took so much drink.

Episode IV

I woke up in unknown environment, I quickly touch my finger to check for my ring, but it was nowhere to be found.

I jumped up with full force and saw someone sitting on a fabric sofa opposite the bed I was lying on.
I stood up and walk towards him while looking around on getting close to him he said, ” Who are you” i did not reply

“are you deaf, I said who the hell are you.” in a loud annoyed voice.

I began to shake inward but compose myself.
I stammered and said ” Iiiiii am t-i-t-i is there a problem ” Immediately, I saw my ring on his palm.
“Are you looking for this, take it ” he said
I try not to allow his skin touch my hand as I remove the ring from his palm. I took the ring and slid it on my finger.

He laughed and said, “sit down you look funny with the frighten face.“
I was only trying to scare you and also get information assuming you have another agender.“
I breathe out and said ” how did I ended up in this place.

He said “let me get you coffee, I will explain later. While I am away you can shower in the bathroom. This is my pajamas you can wear them home “ I looked at him and felt something I have never felt before. He spoke with so much love,kindness and care.

I am sure he was waiting for a thank you from me and since he didn’t hear me say it, he said ” Will you say thank you or I will throw you out“
I burst into a loud laugh which he joined, and I shouted a thank you as he walks out of the room.
I walked to where the pajamas were neatly place, picked it up and placed it on my cheek to have a feel of the cotton materials which gave me this cool and warm sensation that made my eyes close.

I walked to the bathroom while inspecting the room with my eyes. Immediately I wore the pajamas after taking my bath I heard a knock on the door and instructed him to come in. He came in and drop a tray filled with milk, coffee, cookies, sugar, teacups and mug of hot water on the wooden center table and sat close to me while offering me a cup.

I felt uneasy and quickly adjusted myself, he looked at me and said ” Shima chill, I don’t bite”
With this mischievous smile.

I gave him the whatever eye and went ahead with the making of my tea. While sipping my tea he said

” I came back to the club after attending to some issues and I saw some group of men sitting close to you and you were obviously drunk.

One was trying to touch your boob’s, but you removed his hands and was talking some unknown things. He kept on doing it and at some point, forced a kiss on you. While you were trying to free yourself, one of them pressed you down and pressed your boobs and they all laughed. You tried standing up and one of them slapped you so hard.

I went to meet them and asked them to let you be, but they asked me who was I to give them order. I held one and brought out my gun and everyone back off.

you walked out staggering and I was wondering where this drunk fine woman was going to. I saw one of the men Following you. I knew he was up to no good, I am a gangster, so I know the game.

I went out immediately and I saw him dragging you to a corner. Immediately, I gave him an uppercut he will never forget in a hurry.

I brought you here, your car is still there, you will go pick it up. Never you drink like that young lady.”

I had tears in my eyes while listening to him speak.

I quickly cleaned it up and whisper a thank you to him. I rushed to the bathroom to cry my heart out. He was perplexed, I can say by the way he was looking at me and was wondering what was wrong.

I came back to my sit and was looking at him, he was confused and asked “is anything the matter shima?” I told him “I am fine just grateful for what you did“

He said “it is alright, you need to leave now. I have some important meeting to attend to my boys will take you to the hotel. Just corporate with them“

I was wondering why he said that and gave him a nod.

He stood up to leave and I went to his front and said ” won’t you ask for my number or something, why are you so rigid? “

he smiled and said “ Give me yours ”

I asked “what if you don’t call me? ” He said ” you know where to find me “

Some guys came to the room to blindfold me, I wanted to struggle but remembered what Clifford said and obeyed.

They held my hands as they made way for me to pass. As I was passing a spot Clifford said ” Take care Shima“

I could feel the coolness of fresh air as I step outside but could not see anything because my eyes were blindfolded.

I was carried into a car and the time they unfold my eyes I was in front of Club38.
I came down and eyed them.
Immediately they drove off I went to my car and explained to the security men what happened, and they allowed me drive out after showing them my documents.

I got home and my mom could not keep her hands to herself and as usual her normal sermon.

I assured her of my safety and went inside.
I got to my bed burst into tears.
I did not know why I was crying but my heart was hurting so bad, it was as if I should change the world.

I had millions of feelings roaming round in my heart and nothing was making sense.
I wanted answers but my inner mind was blank as my head.

Episode V

I kept my phone close to me, peeping at it every now and then to see if Clifford will call but he did not.

2days passed without him calling and I can’t trace his house due to the blindfold. I felt like punching his face, how can a criminal make me feel this way?

I decided to limit my going to club38 in order for my face not to be known and for it not to be suspicious. One cool grooming evening with the wind producing breeze that suits my body, I decide to chill on my bed while movies on Netflix when an unknown number flashed me.

I went back to my movie and the number kept flashing to the point I felt like smashing my phone on the wall.
I decided to put it on silent and went downstairs to gist with mom.

I went back upstairs at about 11pm and I went to check my phone.
I saw 22 missed calls from un- know number and a message which reads ” Shima, I miss you. Why didn’t you look for me again, I am just messing around with you by flashing you while my number is hidden. Call me with this number when you receive this, I miss you “

I read the message more than a billion times, lol just kidding; after going through all the adrenaline rush

I held my phone on my right hand I use my left hand to hold my waist. I dialed the number and gave him a bit of how frustrated I was, and he said ” I am sorry” cut the call before I could reply.

I called him back he did not pick; I sent messages but got no answers.

I tried all means but could not get him and my boss sent me a mail to know how it is going, sad reality struck.

I told him I was trying to penetrate the culprit and he said I should be fast about it.
I decided to go to club38 and there he was with a lady dancing on his lap, I felt like dragging her life out of her.

I went straight to the VVIP and his guys tried stopping me, I said in annoyance ” Don’t touch me, your boss should face me.”
As we were dragging, he instructed them to let me in. I got to him, and he said ” why are you disturbing me, I am busy woman”
I said sorry for my rude attitude the day he called. As I was talking the lady puff out smoke from shisha into my face.

I tried going to meet her when Clifford dragged me outside and took my body into tight embrace which made me look like a dwarf in his huge, tall body.

I took my head up to look at him with my heart beating 360decree and he looked into my eyes and said you are beautiful but very stubborn.

I closed my eyes as his hands move from my hair to my cheek. He move my face to his lip with my lips close to his, I thought he will kissed me but was dissapointed when he kissed my forehead and said ” Shima lets go somewhere else“

I touch my recording ring and felt guilt hovering around me. I looked at him with half close eyes and said “Where” He said” to one of my favorite place because you are my favorite person alive“.
I looked at him with tears building in my eyes and I knew anytime soon they will drop so I said “lets go then” I got into his car and we drove off to a place I never knew existed in that vicinity.

I got to the house which is close to an ocean, and I could hear the ocean clap in excitement of been free.
I looked round the place and was impressed by the interior decorator, the person knows he/her onions.
He took me by my hands and led me to the roof top, it was a beauty to behold.

I went to sit on the floor facing the ocean since there was no chair. He came to join me and sat at my back with me in between his legs. I close my eyes as I enjoy his sweet smell.

His hands on his legs and he said ” I don’t know why I am doing this, I have never done it before but all the same I want to try this risk“

he moved back and asked me to face him then he threw the word “can I trust you? ” I felt my heart breaking seeing how sincere and lost he was.

He looked like a child who needed comfort and someone to trust.
I held his face and said you can and instantly I wished I was a random girl, you know. A girl who falls in love without knowing anything.

He looked at me as if he was doubting my word and said ” you are my last hope of happiness, do not betray me“

I couldn’t stand his eyes, I could not face him, I could not carry on like this. I wanted this man to myself and he is not what they said he is.
With a shaky voice I said ” you can trust me “

He said “i am a kidnapper, drug pusher, armed robber and was a human trafficker.
I am all these because life gave me bitter food to eat.

I was only a child when higher killers killed my dad and I watched my mom died due to frustration and pain.
She held my dad while he breath his last and that incident made her ran mad.

As young as I was I was carrying her from one hospital to the other, what did my uncles do?
They came for property, leaving a 9years old boy to cater for a sick mom and 2siblings. “

As a young boy of 9 I was doing all kinds of things to make sure there is food.
I was molested by a priest and was sent out of school when I could not pay my fees.

My mom ran out from the house and the day I found her she was dead beside a gutter.
I joined some group of boys who I thought was going to help me but what did they do, they used me as sex slave in exchange for money

I was a sex slave for 10years.
10 fucking years of my life before I killed my molester.

yes, I killed my molester, and I joined a gang. They saw me through school, but I had to push drugs and humans. I go for robberies, and I kidnap people”.

I have done lots of bad things, I kill, I rob
I shut him upbut he continued , maybe he thought I was shutting him up for his sins but it wasn’t so.

The recorder was on and everything he said was on record and my boss has direct access to it.
I was still telling him to shut up but he kept on talking and pushing me “will you hate me now, I know you love me shima, I know you do. Will you hate me now“

“Look me in the eyes and tell me you hate me. I don’t know what I feel but I feel something so strong for you. I try not to get close, but it is not working. I will be a better man for you, I will do anything please stay with me” he was talking as if he needed to pour everything out for him to live.

At this point I was crying like a child who lost her mom, I could not control my self I was shaking and crying and knowing he was crying broke me more.

He knelt before me and said ” Tell me anything I will do, please Shima don’t leave me“
He came close and held me and all my cells were weak by his touch.

He cleaned my tears with his fingers and dragged my face up while looking at my closed eyes he planted a kiss on my lips and it was too good to stop it.

We had intimacy on the roof top with so much emotions and at some point I nearly told him my real identity.

The fear of him killing me held my mouth from talking.
With our body glued to each other he said “I will do anything for you, please do not break my heart“
I could not say anything, I stood up and said ” take me home“

Episode VI

He drove me home in silence even when I objected the ride. he said he wants to be sure I was safe. He won’t be able to forgive himself if anything bad happens to me.

I got to my gate and tried running out from his car and realize he has not opened the door and had no intention of doing it.

I turned to look at him and saw tears dropping from his eyes, I didn’t know what to do.
I needed someone to console me too. I removed my seat belt and moved my body to his side and gave him a kiss and said “I love you too but ” he cut in and said in between his tears “No but, I told you everything because I want to be real with you Shima, I am tired of this life, I do not like it, all I told you has been in my heart for long, I am tired of this pain and guilt I feel Shima. ”

I held him and allowed my tears flow too, i lifted his face and kissed his wet lips while rubbing his head. after few seconds he came down from the car and opened passenger’s door for me to come down, I felt like a queen.
I stood beside him looking at me with his hands in his pocket and fears in his eyes.
He said” can I see you tomorrow” I said “sure“

He sent an SMS which contains his home address immediately and said “it will be an honor to have a queen in a sinner man’s champers”

He knows how to make me blush, I pushed him off my way and rushed inside.
He stood for some minutes before driving out
and all I wanted was to run back to him and disappear with him.

I got into my room, thankfully my mom was not awake. I saw a mail from my boss asking me to present evidence or any detail about Clifford so they can send more hands to help me.

I quickly sent him a mail saying that won’t be necessary because I can handle this, and I will bring every detail in a month time.
I need time to be sure of things before I present them.

I had dinner with him as promised and I will say; it was the best dinner I ever had and will ever have.
He cooked the meals and they tasted very nice. The table was decorated with, petals and candles.

I felt like a little girl who just found the word love. I had a good time with him and again ended up in bed.
I had and have no regret because I knew my heart beats for him alone.

8weeks later I found out I was with his seed, a child!
Coming to the realization that I have his seed growing in me made me realize how much I love him.

After confirming with at least 5 strips, I went to my mom’s room and cried my heart out on her lap. She held me like her little baby that I am and asked no questions but all she did was to tap my back and said “Jummy all will be fine”.

After crying my eyes out, I slept off in her room.
I woke up and called Clifford that I have something urgent and important to tell him and he asked if he can come over which I obliged.

Episode VII

30minutes later he was in front of my gate, I went to meet him and immediately he came down from his car I threw myself on him, he held onto me and said with a smile ” Hey Shimaa, what is doing you? ” 

I did not reply, I dragged him inside. 

We got to the parlor and greeted mom after which I did an introduction and mom was pleased to have him in her home (she had no idea about his story). 

I took him to my room immediately mom gave me a sign to take him upstairs so he could be free. 

I got to my room, and he said, ” you are acting strange, what is the problem?” 

I gave him the strips and sat on my bed. He looked from the strip at me and back to the strip. 

I saw that happiness I will never forget; he took my hands and gave me the sweetest hug with tears dropping from his eyes. He looked at me and said “please tell me this is not a joke, tell me truly you are pregnant with my child” 

I eyed him and said, “can’t you see for yourself” He carried me and turned me round and round till my eyes began to turn. 

I begged him to drop me, and he gently placed me on the bed. 

He went to my wardrobe and was searching for a dress, I kept asking him what for and he said “Shima, relax I got this.” 

I sat on my bed watching him as he ran around looking for what he did not keep. I love the fact that he loves to be in charge, and he does it effortlessly well. 

After gathering all he needed, he carried me to my bathroom and gave me a bath (I was shy and surprise) 

After bathing me he gave me the shirt and trousers which he selected from my wardrobe and said wear this no question. 

he said ” spend some time with me please” 

I replied, “after bathing me you are now asking, am I supposed to say no?” with a laugh and he smiled too. 

I told mom I was coming, and Cliford hit my arm gently and stood away from me, I rephrased “mom I might not come back today. ” 

Mom turned to him and said,” make sure my baby is safe son“.  

He replied ” I will protect her with my life mom” I felt blessed. 

He took me to a garden, and I had memories that will keep me going. 

He could not get his hands off my tummy, he will look at me and say “Thank you for coming into my life, I love you ” 

I was smiling and blushing like a new bride and then he said, “ I will like us to get married, will you marry Me?” 

He went down on his knee without a ring, and I could not stop laughing. 

I asked him “where is the ring?” 

he said “I will get you the most expensive ring just say yes baby” 

My boss had been calling me since I got to the garden, and I have been cutting the call. 

He wants to nail Clifford, but I have been holding on to it, he sent me an SMS previous night which reads 

“ Love and Job are two different things, don’t let love send you to jail” 

I said yes to Clifford and immediately I heard siren, I instantly knew my boss might have Sent someone to spy and monitor my movement. 

Truly Clifford is a trained person, he got alerted and tried escaping. I held his hand and said “baby stay” 

He said “they will take me away from you and my baby, please allow me escape now but i will come back for you both” 

Everywhere was surrounded so it would be a waste of energy I just told him to surrender. 

He was surprised at my actions going by his expression. 

I stood fixed with my eyes tearing up and my heart breaking as my boss came to him and said “Mr. Clifford, you are under arrest, for armed robbery, kidnaping and human trafficking” 

Episode VIII 

“You have the right to remain silent for anything you do or say will be used against you in the court of law”  

He smiled and said “ what proof do you have my friend” 

My boss replied “till we get to the station” 

I was praying my boss will act as if I am a stranger Because I wasn’t ready but right there, he said 

” Jumoke congratulations for a job Well done.” 

I nearly collapsed, I turned to look at Clifford to see what he would do but his face was expressionless. 

His face sends chills to my bone marrow, all I could do was shake my head with my eyes pleading for his mercy. 

My words were not audible, I lost my voice. 

He was looking straight into my eyes with his eyes turning red and I could see his hands shaking, he asked “is the pregnancy a lie too?” 

I wanted to talk but for some reason my voice seized.  

He stretched his hand for handcuff and walked away without looking at me. 

I was losing my balance, slowly I went to the ground and cried. I did not give a hoot about people around or what they would say, I just needed the world to know I was broken. 

Will he ever forgive me? Will he ever be released? Where the questions that clouded my mind. 

I booked an uber home and narrated all to mom, as usual she consoled me and assured me all will be fine. 

I went to his cell, and he refused to see me. 

I went back to work and all I could see was his face as he walked away. 

Life became boring, reality set in as I am faced with morning sickness that comes with pregnancy. 

I tried seeing him and he will always refuse to come out to see me. 

I was clueless about what to do. I was just living every day. 

Before his court hearing he requested to see me. I saw him with red swollen eyes and my tummy groaned in pain. I stood up with my head bowed and he said “Shimaa, how are you?” 

I did not know when all my locked-up emotions came out “I am not fine, I miss you, our child misses you, it is hard on me, my life is in mess”. 

I realize you are the sweetness of my life. Nefemi, it is worst knowing you are angry with me” 

He said “oh Shima, my lovely love, my only happiness, I understand, and I have forgiven you” 

I felt like the luckiest woman on earth. We spent a few minutes talking before I was asked to leave; the hardest thing I had to do. 

I tried getting good lawyers that would help him out and was hoping all would be fine no matter how many years it would take. 

We went to a court hearing and the final verdict was on the 15th of November 1990. 

I was 7 months gone at this time. I was going to every court hearing; I resigned from work and was spending my money on the case. 

On that day I saw him walk into the court room with his beautiful eyes as he scanned the room in search of me, I stood up so he could see me and smiled immediately he sighted me. I tried to be strong for him and our baby. 

After back and forth the judge said those words that will always ring in my head 

” Mr. Clifford Johnson this court finds you guilty of Arm Robbery, kidnapping, human trafficking and murder. You are hereby sentence to death by hanging according to 319 of the Criminal Code ” 

It took My mom and some policemen to drag me out of the court room. 

Clifford tried coming to me but was asked to stay on his spot. 

Episode IX 

I could hear him say “that he is my pregnant wife, that is my pregnant wife”! 

It was as if I was in labor, but I know it wasn’t. 

I could not make sense of anything; I was always in my room looking at the pictures we took together. 

Our memories kept playing back. My mom was a great support system and I visited Clifford everyday till the day he was to be executed. 

I could not sleep the night before. I got to the venue for his execution before everyone.  

At about 2pm I saw my heartbeat walk with so much pain. I saw the fear in his eyes, I saw regrets, I wished I could die with him. 

He was among 2 other men to be executed. 

A pastor came up to pray for them and he gave his life to Christ. As he was reciting after the pastor, he saw me crying. He stood fixed to the spot with his mouth open and tears dropping. 

He said something to the officer and began to walk towards me. As he was coming, I was feeling faint. 

I looked at him with my pale eyes when he came to me, I asked, “Tell me how to live without you and with this child of yours, tell me how please?” 

He touched my tummy, placed his head on it and said” Clifford will be his name. 

Please teach him right, I loved you, I love you and I will love you till I die and even when I am gone. Be strong my stubborn Shimaa “ 

I kissed him so deeply before they came to drag him up. 

They could not allow me to reply, they could not forgive him, they could not allow his child to see him. 

As he was about to be executed all I heard was his shout because my mom covered my eyes. My love died that day and so also my heart. 

I can’t say how I lived but it is the most difficult task I must carry out. 

Today Clifford Junior is two years old, and he is an exact picture of his dad. 

I will tell him how sweet, loving, and nice his dad was when the time comes.  

I miss Clifford every day, 2 years, and I can’t accept another. 

I have his legacy with me to carry forever, I had limited time with him, but they were precious moments to me and are memories I will take to my grave. ❤ 

Pain change people but do not let it change you for the bad. 

He who kills with a sword will die by a sword. 

THE END.