Grudge

Episode I

“

Aderonke mi, pa gaasi ati ki o mu omi” 

Mami’s faint shout brought me back to reality. 

I was gone in my thought, thinking of what has occurred in a blink of an eye and the situation mami was at the time. 

Her eyes were bloodshot, with part of her mouth swollen which was because of daddy’s kicks, punches etc. 

She asked me to boil some water so she can use it to press and clean the surface of her eyes a little before we proceed to church. 

We woke up that Sunday morning by 4am to prepare for service. 

Daddy is the general overseer of the Heavens place ministry, and he must eat Akara (beans cake) with pap before leaving every Sunday morning, which is the reason why we must wake as early as 4am to make his breakfast on time and always join him for early morning dew in church which starts by 7am. 

Just like every other Sunday, I woke up and noticed mami and baba mi were exchanging words with daddy’s voice skyrocketing which isn’t a new thing to me but was wondering why this early Sunday morning? 

I went to knock on their door so we can pray and baami shouted at me to leave his way as he forced the door open and was going towards the parlor. 

I am always scared to enter their room, so I leaned on the door and called out to mami. 

“Mami, mami, are you okay” I asked 

“Ronke, go and on the gas and start mixing the ingredients for Akara, I will join you soon” she replied 

It wasn’t the answer I was expecting but I had to obey. I was taught never to argue, especially when talking to an elder. 

I went to start preparing our breakfast as was instructed by mami which mami later came out to join me. 

While we work in silence baba mi came in and dragged her by the hair saying 

” You had the guts to talk back at me and even went about with your activities without doing what i ask you to do?” 

Mami was trying to stay calm due to my presence. 

She replied with a sad smile ” baba mi, jọwọ jẹ ki n ṣe ounjẹ rẹ” which means, my father please allow me to make your food. 

The next thing I heard was waaaaaaaaa, he poured everything we were mixing on the floor and began to drag mami to his room. 

Telling her how dare she detect what she will do. 

Mami kept saying ” please, don’t do this in front of Aderonke ” 

He said, ” what is my business with her, I asked for a child, you gave me a daughter, what do I want to use a girl child to do, ehn?” 

It is not the first time I will hear him say such, it is not new, and it doesn’t make me sad anymore. 

I bowed my head while using my side eyes to look at maami. 

He dragged maami to their room and all I was hearing was the clashing of things and shout. 

I sat still in the kitchen looking at nothing. 

Episode II 

I sat in the kitchen not knowing what to do so I decided to get myself ready for the Sunday service. 

Keeping daddy waiting was like shooting yourself in the chest, it is never done and can never happen. 

I rushed to take my bath and wore a flowery long gown, a black head tie and sandals. 

Carried my small bible and went to get daddy’s blue bible bag (contains all his Sunday service materials) 

I sat down in the parlor, with the items on my lap while waiting to hear mami or daddy’s call. 

After about some minutes, baba mi came out, went to his car to get something and went back into his room. 

I was still hearing shouts, hit and mama crying after he got back inside. 

Listening to her shaking voice made my heart sank in pain. 

I wish I could go in and beat the beast out of baba mi, but all imagination ends in my head. 

How can a 4.9ft girl beat a 6.7ft man? 

At some point I began to say some prayers for mami and was looking at their door in anticipation of seeing her. 

Baba mi later came out well dressed ready to leave for church, I guess the time was 6:30am. 

It was a ritual to leave at 6:30 no one minute grace. 

Immediately he left for his car mami called my name and instructed I put some water on the fire for her, just a little quantity. 

I did and when it was ready, she called me to bring the water for her. 

Immediately I gave her the water I said 

” Yéé sunkún ìyá ” 

She replied with a faint smile 

” Mi ò sunkún ìfẹ́ mi ” which means I am not crying my love. 

I dropped the water close to the door leaning on the entrance wall as I watcheda mami trying to move her injured body to where the kettle was. 

màámi instructed I go outside before my father leaves me behind, that she won’t be coming for today Sunday service. 

Immediately fear gripped me, how can I possibly survive a ride to church in my father’s car without my mom? 

Hah, I begged her to please come with us, she said “baba rẹ ni on ko ni pa ọ lara” 

I rejected the ideas and said ” màámi ẹ jọ̀wọ́” 

She reminded me to not keep my father waiting, so I reluctantly rushed outside. 

on seeing my dad in his grey color Volvo 2442.4(M) car, sitting at the driver’s seat with a composure which gave me this feeling of; he has been waiting for me. 

I nearly ran out of the compound; it is better I become homeless than to face his rage. 

Guess he read my mind and called me using his hands, I rushed down to where he is with his bible bag and my bible clutched to my chest 

He asked about mom and with my face facing the ground I told him mummy said she isn’t coming today, as if what I said removed a nut from his brain, he opened the door and said “obinrin ajẹ” 

He went in and came out with màámi. 

Màámi eyes were swollen, her mouth had cut, and she was limping as she walks to the car. 

Immediately she entered, daddy drove off. On our way to church he asked me to pray for a safe ride; I prayed with a trembling voice as usual which always irritates him. 

Baba mi always wish he has a Male child, someone who can withstand anything and won’t shake, unlike me who chicken out over little it. 

I believed him, and felt he was correct. 

I was too scared, and I believed he had every right to be angry with me for always losing focus, shaking, not being able to look into his eyes or sit close to him. 

I have tried to do better but my heart keeps failing me. 

Now back to that Sunday morning, while driving after I have prayed, he said to mami 

“If anyone ask, say you had a fall at home, understood?” 

Mami looked at him and shook her head in disbelief. 

He turned his face to mom while driving and mom had to shake her head in affirmation. 

Episode III 

The ride to church was a cold one, it wasn’t a new thing though. 

That is how it has always been anytime we are around daddy. 

We got to church and as the general overseer and mummy being the Mummy GO, we always have people coming to welcome us to church every time we have church activities. 

Some will carry whatsoever needs to be carried no matter how little. 

Immediately the security man Mr. Andrew opened the gate for daddy to drive him, some elderly women who were chatting in front of the church rush to our car to usher mom and dad in. 

Before we came down from the car, daddy said 

” Give a cheerful look, everyone is not supposed to know you are a disobedient woman” 

He directed the statement to no one, but we knew what he was saying and who he was talking to. 

Mum brought out a dark sunshade from daddy’s car and put it on. 

We came out from the car, and women rushed towards mummy and said 

” e kaaro mummy wa” 

With a forced smile mummy embraced them and said 

“e kaaro, bawo ni?” 

“a dupe lowo olorun” they chorused in synergy. 

” O ṣeun oluwa ” mom responded and they went about with their normal women chit chat while I walk behind them as we walked into the church building. 

The church is built in such a way that everyone can see each other but the sitting arrangements is by gender; there is a section for men, and there is a section for women. 

After the morning dew, we had praise section, prayer section and time for preaching. 

I love to see my dad preach, on the pulpit he is always a different person, he was another being I wish I could have at home. 

The way he cracked jokes, gave examples and stresses on how to live a godly life. 

In between his preaches, he will direct sweet comments to mom and the church will cheer mummy up with shouts and claps. Mom in her dark shade will just put her head down. I guess people thought she was shy. 

After the service, we will wait for meetings, dad will have to have meeting with his church leaders, mom will have meetings with women, and I will have to sit at the back close to the church exist door alone. 

Even as the general overseer’s daughter, I had no friends in church. 

People who tried to come close, I shut them out with my attitude. 

I had a wall around me that you can’t cross no matter how lively, sweet and friendly you are. 

I had those walls because of dad. 

The fear of what he will do to me if he sees me making friends, what he will think of me made me lose myself in trying to please him. 

Daddy was never in support of Mum and I having many friends, he will always preach to us about isolating ourselves from people because 

“Not everyone is a believer and communicating with evil people will turn you into an evil person” 

That was his routine statement anytime mummy brings the idea of us associating with extended family or friends. 

As a matter of fact, I did not have sleep night with my cousins and grannies from both parents’ side. 

The only people I knew were my mom and dad. 

To me it was a normal thing. 

Episode IV 

After Sunday service and meetings, we will still need to come back home and prepare heavy meals like vegetable soup and Amala or Egusi and poundo, oh daddy loved pounded yam. The type you will pound with your hand using mortar not the modernized ones. 

Life In my father’s house wasn’t a good one, the atmosphere was toxic, and we had no idea about it. 

The beating didn’t stop, it got to a point I thought a man beating his wife is good. I saw it as a form of discipline and taming the woman because daddy will always use words like, mummy is rude, nonchalant, disobedient etc. 

So, I grew up believing that, for a woman to be corrected violence is the best option. 

I feared the ground daddy walked on which made me read my books to come top of the class. A bad result will just take me to my grave faster. 

One hot afternoon during our long vacation while we sat under a mango tree in our compound with dad for our normal prep talk; we always have prep talk once a month. 

It is a time daddy used to tell us our weaknesses and strengths, attitude to work on and the one to let go of. 

Seeing that daddy was in a good mood while he was criticizing mom and I, telling us on how to improve our self; mum felt it was a good time to tell him about me going to visit my grannies in Mowe where they live. 

Like a time bomb waiting to explode daddy roared in anger saying 

“iwo yoo nigbagbogbo ba mosi mi” meaning mum likes spoiling his mood. 

“How many times have I warned you against bringing the idea of my daughter going to your people’s place to stay, how many times? why don’t you listen?” 

Mom in her calm manner said ” ma binu” as she tried to touch his hands in a way to appease him, dad kicked the chair close to him and left our presence. 

I looked at mom and tears were clouding in her eyes waiting for time to pour out. 

I held her hands and said ” maami, I am sorry” 

She looked at me and said ” I am sorry for giving you a beast as a father. My only fault is not giving him a Male child and not replacing my name with his name on my father’s company as the CEO. 

I was perplexed and wanted to hear more, so I tried asking her questions about what she meant by that. 

She held my face with her two palms and said 

“You are still a growing child, somethings are better left unsaid, so it does not confuse your thought process” 

I wasn’t buying her idea however; I was taught not to argue with my elders. 

Episode V 

Living in our house is boring and we have a strict manual we must follow irrespective of our feelings. 

We continue to live in fear while in our home and every day was from one trouble to another. 

I am an intelligent child, but the activities of my family turned me into an Introvert. 

I could not relate with my peers at school, I could not talk about fun places or activities because I had no experience of one. 

My life was circled around my family, school and church. 

It was a boring life. 

One evening while we sat down for dinner daddy gave us one of the best news of our lives. 

He said he will be going for a crusade in Lagos, and we cannot come with him because it is meant for ministers alone. 

The crusade is meant to last for 3days, and he will be leaving the next day, which happens to be a Thursday. 

The crusade will start on Friday and end on Sunday. 

As he was giving us details about the crusade, I had this feeling rolling up waiting for me to leave his presence so I could dance the dance of freedom. 

You don’t get it; daddy is never away from home; the last time he was away I guess I was 2years or so. 

Now I am 15years old and daddy will be gone for 3days, and I had no words to express the feeling. 

I looked at mom and I could feel the excitement even when she said 

“We will miss you” 

I knew deep down it was a lie. 

Daddy turned to me and said” Aderonke won’t you miss me” 

I nearly choked with the food in my mouth. 

I coyly nod my head while avoiding his eyes. 

We had dinner, said our prayers and off I went to my room. 

I got to my room and could not wait for the day he would leave for his crusade. 

The day finally came, and mom woke up earlier than usual and began to pack his bags and every item he will be needing while he was away… 

I woke up when dad was about to leave and he made sure he lectured us before leaving, telling us not to forget how to act while he is away. 

Immediately dad drove off and we realized he had gone far from home; mom and I began to dance in celebration. 

We ate breakfast in the sitting room while watching a movie, it can never be heard of if daddy was around. 

I remember the day dad slapped mom for eating in the sitting room and not the dining table. 

In his word, mummy is spoiling and teaching me not to do the right thing at the right time. 

ever since then, we don’t on the Television unless daddy put it on, we do not eat in the sitting room etc. 

I enjoyed sitting close to my mom as we watched TV together, we laughed over some scenes in the movie and criticized some acts. 

During noon we ate snacks and mango juice while at night we prepared Amala, Ewedu and Egbgiri with assorted meats. 

This is the food we have been eating for years but for some reason, that night’s meal was delicious and relaxing. 

We ate dinner and went to watch soap opera while we retired into our bed later in the night. 

Before I slept mummy said 

” You don’t have to wake up early tomorrow, sleep for as long as you want my child.” 

I smiled and gave her a hug while she kissed my forehead. 

That day gave me a sense of what freedom is and I longed to always have it, I wished daddy wasn’t going to come back, I wished our home was not the way it was. 

The next morning before I woke up mummy was done with breakfast, and I saw travelling bags in the parlor. 

I inquired why the bags are there and she responded 

“No questions omo mi, bath and come, after eating we will leave okay” 

“Leave to where” I questioned. 

“Do as I say ” she answered. 

Episode VI

I ate breakfast in silence after taking my bath, put on a burnt orange gown and black sandals with my small black purse which happens to be my favorite. 

After waiting for about 15minutes a yellow taxi driver drove into our compound; mom instructed I carry the smallest bag to the booth of the car. 

I obeyed without asking questions but deep inside of me I had millions of questions to ask. 

Where are we going to? 

Is dad aware? 

Are we coming back? 

These and many more were running through my mind. 

Finally, the taxi man started the ride after mom was done loading the booth, I sat down behind driver’s seat waiting for mom. Before mom entered the car, she took a glance at the house as if that was the last time she would be around the house. 

I could see tears clouding her eyes, but she managed to stop them from falling. 

She entered the taxi and held me tight saying 

” We are free now” 

I looked at her eyes while the driver was driving in a fast motion and she said 

” Aderonke mi, we are leaving your dad so I can live or don’t you want me alive” 

I looked at her and said, ” I am happy we are leaving daddy”. 

She then told me we are going to my maternal grandmother’s place; from there we will start a new life. 

I was happy and could not wait to see them and enjoy other people’s presence asides from mom and dad 

The journey from Lagos to Akure lasted for three hours and thirty-five minutes, we had some stops to buy edible stuff. 

The ride wasn’t a smooth one, but it was fun, I loved the fresh air, trees and sight of people selling things on the road. 

We got to Akure by noon and my grandparents were already waiting for us at the gate, I guess mom Informed them of our coming. 

Immediately the taxi man drove in, and parked grandma ran towards me and held me tight to her chest, her smell was sweet and musty. 

Her eyes were little, and her skin was shining as if she was bathing with baby oil. 

Even though I have no close relationship with grandma I allowed the moment to take charge. 

It was a beautiful reunion filled with tears, laughter and sweet compliments of how grown I have become. 

We settled in and Pupuru with Efo was served, Pupuru is a traditional African food made from cassava tubers. 

It happened to be mom’s favorite while growing up in Ondo state. 

As mom was eating the food with her legs well spread in the sitting room floor, I saw a different being. 

She looked so relaxed and was enjoying the meal. I was happy because she was happy. 

Episode VII 

After our meal we sat down to talk about past events we have missed and grandma did not leave any stone untouched, she talked about things happening in the city and what went wrong in church and her friend’s family. 

She reminded mom about most of her friends and how they will always come to say hello to her anytime they come for Ariginya Festival or during Christmas season. 

It was a relaxed, free and happy atmosphere to be in. 

Immediately grandma finished talking grandpa cut in as if he has been waiting to talk since. 

He asked mami how daddy was and thanked mummy for the gifts daddy always send to them. 

Maami was Stanfield, she looked at me and back to grandpa trying to get what he said, and grandpa did not stop in singing praises of baba mi 

How he sent them money, how he sent them food and many more. 

Mami looked from me to grandma and grandpa, while grandpa was still in the feeling of singing praises of baba mi, grandma was nodding her head in agreement to what grandpa was saying and even added some nice comments to his remark. 

Guess mom was not having it again, so she interjected and said 

” maami, he is the reason why we are here, and I am not going back to the house again” 

Grandma shouted in dismay 

” Jesu” 

grandpa looked at her as if she was going mad and said 

” se nkan lol dede pelu e” 

Mami said ” daddy, I am not going back to that house” 

Grandpa replied in a manner which shows he was holding his temper 

” Where will you stay then? 

Mami looked at him as if he was speaking in a foreign language. 

“Daddy, I don’t understand ” she said 

” Is the same way I don’t understand the rubbish you are spitting out ” he said fiercely. 

“Daddy I am saying I am not going back, and you did not ask why, is that fair? Mum replied almost in tears. 

Grandma turning her eyes from grandpa to maami. 

” I should ask you why? You mean, you want me to ask you why you want to leave a man of God,? a respectful man, a man that takes care of your family, a mam that sing praises of you everywhere, a man that have given you a good life, and you say you want to leave and I should ask why? Aderonke hope this is not your mother’s people doing you?” Grandpa stated angrily. 

” All he does in public is a showoff game. Daddy, he beats me, daddy he beats me like a child, daddy I have no say in my home, daddy I am a shadow of myself, daddy my life is going, daddy I am dying, daddy I am not happy, daddy see my pain, leave his showoff game” mum said amidst her tears. 

” I will not be a part of this nonsense, tomorrow leave my house to your husband’s house, he married you in full and only death can separate you both. I have six children, all married, and you will not bring shame to my name. PADA” 

he said angrily and stormed off from the sitting room. 

Mami was holding her toes as she cried, looking at grandma to know what she would say. 

Grandma looked at her and said “Omo mi, what is it. Marriage is not something to go in and out as you want, it is a forever thing” 

” Maami, maami, maami, I am dying, your child is dying” 

“o ni kú omo mi” 

grandma rebuked, waving her hands over her head. 

“Mami I was diagnosed with Endometriosis after Aderonke. Endometriosis is a disorder in which tissue that normally lines the uterus grows outside the uterus. 

Mami, I found out after having pains and irregular menstruation. I was told it had no cure but there is a treatment and was advice to go for hormones and excision surgery, mami I did and ever since then I have been trying to conceive, I am on injections, drugs both English and native herbs. 

Maami, I know Deji spent money during the cause of my treatment, but he got funds from my company which daddy gave to me. 

Maami, Deji is angry with me for having Endometriosis. 

Maami, Deji is angry with me for giving birth to a girl 

Maami, Deji wants me to change the name of daddy’s company and make him the CEO. 

Maami, Deji beats me at every given opportunity, Deji insult me and insult Aderonke your grandchild. 

Mami, I am not making these things up, ask Ronke, I am not mad” mum said hurriedly with tears gushing out from her eyes. 

Grandma turned to me as if she was waiting to hear a judge’s verdict. 

All I did was to lower my eyes in silence. 

Episode VIII 

Maami was looking at me waiting to hear me concur to her complains and heartache but all I could do was to look at my toenails while twisting the edge of my gown. 

In the process of the talk mami collapsed. 

Grandma ran to her side; while she tries to lift her up from the floor to the sofa, I ran to call grandpa and grandpa said ” she is just joking and pretending, she will go back to her husband’s house” 

Grandpa was not done talking when we heard grandma’s scream, asking grandpa to quickly come out. 

Maami was rushed to a nearby hospital and luckily for us she regained consciousness after stabilizing her. 

They ran some tests and met with the doctor for consultation. The doctor advised she get lots of rest, eat well and take her drugs. 

We got back home in the evening, while mami relaxed her body on granny’s brown sofa in the living room, grandpa said 

” You are pregnant, more reason why you should go back to your house, you are leaving first thing tomorrow morning.” It was a command! 

Hearing my mom was pregnant opened the innermost part of my heart to want to hear more and touch her belly. 

Mami sat down with her hands on her tummy and her head facing the ceiling while tears were falling with reckless abandon. 

I went to sit close to her, placed my right hand on her tummy and whispered ” I am sorry” in the lowest voice tone you can imagine. 

She looked at me and said” it is fine Aderonke” 

Instantly I asked ” Mummy, you are having another baby?” 

She retorted in a calm manner ” yes Aderonke, you will be a big sister soon”. 

My eyes popped in excitement. The thought of finally having a younger one, which has always been my deepest wish, made my heart to be in a merry mood. 

I placed my head on her shoulders while I used my right hand to rub her belly. 

She allowed me to have my moment and later kissed my forehead. 

After our night’s devotion grandpa called mami and I to the sitting room for advice since we will be leaving the next day. 

” Omo mi” he began ” I know you feel I am heartless or inconsiderate, I am not. There are things i can’t explain or if I try to explain it you won’t understand until you wear my shoes. 

Omo mi, I want you to stay married, marriage is not easy, but we are managing and pushing it. It is a lifetime commitment. Omo mi, it is not a commodity you can return as you like and when you have children involved; it is an everlasting tie. Omo mi, please go back and make it work” 

Mami sat down, no words, no nods, just her silence with a few tears dropping. 

Grandma adjusted herself and buttressed what her husband said, she said ” Do you want people to mock us and say we did not train our child well? Iya mi (mom’s pet name) ejoor mo n be yin, forgive him and go back” 

Mami cleared her throat and agreed to go back without arguing or trying to defend her reasons anymore. 

The night went so fast, and morning came on time. We already packed our things the previous night, so it was easy the next morning. 

We ate pap and fried coco yam balls, before 12pm we were already set to leave. 

Grandpa took us to the motor pack where we would board a bus going to Lagos. Grandpa left immediately and we fixed our bags inside the seven-seater Sienna car. 

The journey back to Lagos was a silent one and mami seems lost. From time to time, I will touch her hand just to make sure she is fine. That was the least I could do. 

We got to Lagos Park by 2PM and mami got a yellow cab that took us to the house. 

On getting to the gate, we realized the padlock we use to lock it from outside was not there. 

Mami rushed out from the taxi immediately the cab man parked, she peeped through the small hole from the gate to understand what might have happened. Low and behold daddy’s car was parked inside the compound. 

Mami ran to me and said ” Ronke, your daddy is back “. 

She was looking at me as if I had the power to do something. 

I was frightened to the bone at the mention of “Daddy is back” and the fact that mami was coming to me for help got me agitated. 

The cab man was getting irritated, he asked for his money after dropping our bags on the floor. 

Mami paid him and he left. 

We knocked on the gate after about 20minutes if not more before Dad came out to inquire who was knocking. 

He furiously asked, ” who is there?” 

Mami was stuttering as she replied ” it is me” 

Dad opened the small side of the gate to confirm who it was. 

Looking at his eyes for the first time sent some scary chills to my body. 

He looked at mami from head to toe and then turned his glance to me before locking the gate and went inside while we were still standing outside. 

Mami dragged me into her arms and whispered “it is okay Aderonke mi; we will be fine” 

We sat on the floor in front of our gate as mom held me close to her body. 

EPISODE IX

We stayed outside hoping he would come back to open the gate; every noise I heard I thought it was his footstep. 

I cannot recall how long we stayed outside but we were there till it was time for him to go for evening service. He opened the small gate and asked me to open the main gate for him to drive out. Just like a child waiting to hear a long-awaited call from his/her parent, I jerked up and quickly straightened my gown. I was moving as he was talking with my face locking down. Maami stood away as he was about to drive out.  

he said to her “Ó di ìgbà tí òjò bá dá, kí alágboorùn tó mọ̀ pé ẹrù lòún gbé. Cook vegatable ati garri funfun ki n to pada” Mami gave an affirmative facial expression.  

He drove out, I locked the gate, and we went inside. I guess Mami was having a lot going on in her mind because she did not engage me in talk like her usual self. Immediately we stepped inside, she went to her room while I went to mine. 

after about five minute she call out my name” wá jẹ ki bẹrẹ sise” I rushed out while putting on my hair bonnet. Heaven helps you if baba mi sees you preparing his food without your hair covered and an apron on.  

There was a day Mami forgot to put on her apron while making his early morning moringa tea. As he was asking Maami why her hair was not covered before she could reply he slapped her and said, “is this how a graduate behaves? do you want to kill me, or don’t you know hair strand can kill?” So since then, instead of me forgetting my hair bonnet I rather forget myself. 

Mami asked me to quickly get some vegetable leaf from Iya Titi that sells food ingredients down the road while she continues preparing other things that we have at home. 

Before baba mi came back food was served and everywhere was intact. the remote, chair cover and his plate on the dining table. I went to open the gate immediately I heard his first horn, locked the gate and went to greet him while trying to collect his bible from him. 

he answered in his usual emotionless way, and I walked behind him as he took the lead. Maami greeted him while doing as if she wanted to kneel, he avoided her and went to his room. I quickly went to bath so I could be on the dining table before him. 

It is a ritual; we must all eat together when he is eating because we must bless the food as a family. Thankfully, before he came out, I was already seated on our wooden dining chair with my head in-between my palms as I looked the at the shining dining tabletop. 

He sat down, said the prayers and we began to eat. We all ate in silence and after a few minutes Maami stood up that she feels like throwing up and will not want to continue eating. I became hot instantly because I know how baba mi hate to waste food. He looked at Mamai and said ” do not start woman, finish your food” 

Mami responded in a calm way ” I am feeling sick, I do not want to eat again.”  

he threw the Garri he was eating towards mami and said ” you know you are sick why did you full your plate, obinrin egbin” 

Mami responded “daddy da ohun ti o nse” just as if the word releases a wounded lion. he jumped from his chair and began to bounce on mami, mama was trying to dodge her tummy, using the chair as a shield, he collected it and used it on her.  

every hard touch on mami was piecing my heart, every punch was cutting me, but I sat still watching the wall. I did not move or blink but could feel water dropping from my eyes as I hear mami plead for help. maami began to call my name ” Aderonkeeeeeee” I made a fist with my right hand and used my left hand to hold the table. I could not look at her, she tried telling baba mi that she was pregnant and he said ” and so, pregnancy makes you misbehave, pregnancy makes you talk back at me, pregnancy makes you waste food, are you birthing a savior, ehn? useless woman, I hate you, I hate you” he was hitting her as every word was coming out from his mouth. 

as he was talking and hitting her mami said” Aderonke miiii”  

That was the last thing I heard from maami and her voice went off. baba mi was still hitting her, and no sound or reaction was coming I guess when he noticed she was not reacting he left her and went inside. I rushed to maami and head her while crying and maami did not move or answer me. 

I moved her hands, shook her body, called her name, mummy mi did not respond. I did all I could do to get a feeling she was alive, and all was abortive; that was when the fear of losing my mum came to me and I shouted Baba Mi. 

EPISODE X 

Baba mi came in and asked what happened, I told him maami is not moving. He said, ” better stand up for devotion I need to sleep” and move towards the sitting room area. I was looking at mami to see if she would move at the sound of ba mi’s command, but she didn’t.  

I was still on the floor close to her body with my legs folded and my hands touching her head. at some point I felt her body was getting cold, so I called ba mi who was seated on his favorite sofa while going through some paperwork. Ba mi came to her, lifted and no sign of maami being alive, he went down on his knees and held her hand, I guess at this point he knew maami was gone. it was as if reality hit him, he placed his head on maami’s chest and tried checking her wrist, all I did was to sit and watch him; hoping he would bring mami back.  

He carried mami into his room and asked me to go to bed. 

That night was the deadliest and lonely for me. I could not sleep, I was crying and praying without saying a word out. My wish was to see mami up the nest day. Somehow, I managed to sleep and the next day I was the first to wake. I did not see mami or baba mi outside, after waiting for like thirty minutes I went to knock on their door and ba mi said ” go back into your room”  

I wanted to ask about mami but held myself from asking in order not to offend Ba mi. I went to my room, not knowing what to do because I am used to been told what to do either by mami or Ba mi. 

Ba mi later called me and said I should make pap, while he goes to buy Akara (beans cake) from the roadside woman for us to drink the pap with. I was shocked because we hardly eat out, I cannot remember when last we ate out, we hardly go for functions if it is not church related. 

Just as he instructed, I made the pap and while making it my mind was telling me to check on maami but the fear of being caught held me down. I was about setting the table when he came in and I thanked my Eleda (Creator) for not checking on mom.  

While the pap was served in our warmer, I quickly went to shower as Ba mi was in his room. We ate breakfast in silence and Ba mi said he will like us to talk in the sitting room, I said OKAY and went straight to the sitting room after washing the plates. 

Immediately I settled into the sofa he said 

” Ronke, I know you are not a baby that is why I am talking to you first before people will start coming, I want to let you know you your grandparent will be coming because mami died last night”  

for the first time in my life, I looked straight into my father’s eye, and I was not scared of his wrath. I guess my expression came as a shock because I saw the way he adjusted himself. I did not move or freight and at that moment I had a million wishes, questions and my tears were rushing down. 

He continued, ” Her stubbornness killed her, your mum was a stubborn woman, ill-mannered and rude. she wanted to ride on me because of her parent wealth forgetting what the bible says about the husband being the head of the house. Well, that is by the way, the reason for this discussion is to warn you never to discuss what happened to her with anybody till you die. the cause of her death is unknown, she slept and never woke up, do you understand? ” He asked. 

I could not believe my dad would put me into such a wicked situation. why is this man damaging me the more, why should I lie, what is he hiding? I nodded to his request, and he said I should leave.  

I ran to my room and cried to myself to sleep, when I woke up, I heard voices from the sitting room. I sluggishly came to the sitting room and immediately my grandma saw me she shouted “ọmọ si ọmọbinrin mi, wa ki o si ro oyan mi ki o le lero iya rẹ” in-between crying   

The word Iya (Mother) melted my body, and my knees became weak, so I collapsed into mama hug. While in her arms she started some dirge song and, in the process, asked ” Aderonke, kini o ṣẹlẹ si iya re, what happened to your mom”. I was shocked and then said  

EPISODE XI 

“She slept and did not wake up maami” and I began to cry. She held me close to her chest and was saying soothing words to me while pathing my back. 

I guess she was thinking I was crying because of maami’s death. No, it wasn’t. I was crying because I could not speak the truth, I could not help her when she was been beaten like a criminal by the man that promised to love her. The man that was supposed to be her protector and provider is the same man that killed her. 

I was crying because that man was the cause of her death and he still coax me to lie about the death. Mami burial was attended by the mighty and low. Everyone had special and sweet things to say about her and they believed she was in heaven due to her personality. It was a gloomy day and thankfully I made it through. 

After the burial grandma wanted me to follow her, which I wanted but Ba mi objected, he said the house would be lonely and he needs a reminder of mami in his home. what a pathetic hypocrite! 

Maami was buried and life went back to normal for everyone except me. Life changed for the worse, life became more boring and isolated.  

Daddy is always out for different functions, and I am always left in the house to feel the absence of mum. I always cry my eyes out, night I wish maami was with me to ask me those her funny questions because she wants me to talk. I miss her voice, the way she calls my name, the way she rushes me to do things, so I don’t get into daddy’s trouble. Now she is gone, I am all alone, more in my shell and every day is a struggle. 

After eight months daddy called me one night to tell me he will be getting married to Aunty Deborah. Aunty Deborah is a slim, well-proportioned woman whose husband died when her second son was still a baby. She is a choir in Ba mi’s church and is feared by most of the children because of her no-nonsense personality.  

When daddy told me about it, I was a bit sad but was also happy I will get siblings to play and interact with. 

The wedding was a low-key wedding which was attended by close family and friends with a few church members. After the wedding aunty Deborah came home with her two kids and I began to picture a home, a better one from the one we had with mami. 

Aunty Deborah was easy-going for the first few weeks in our house, after that it was as if I was a slave in my father’s house. 

I was made to wake very early to prepare the kids for school and make sure their breakfast and lunch are ready, the house is clean and tidy before I leave for school. I stopped attending school assembly because of late coming and I sometimes miss the first lecture. 

Teachers were asking what the matter was and if mami’s death is affecting me so they can refer me to a counselor, but I could not explain to them what the issue was or even complain to baba mi.  

Times without number Ba mi will be present and Aunty Deborah will be maltreating me, and Ba mi will not say anything instead he will join in chastising me for doing no wrong. There were days I wanted to scream down the house, but I could not be due to fear of what Ba mi would do. 

After four months of having aunty Deborah in the house, Ba mi and aunty Deborah began to get involved in physical fights. They used to have altercation, but I never saw them exchange blows until the morning I was preparing the kids for school, and I began to hear noise of scattering items coming from their room. 

While I was fixing aunty Deborah’s second son’s school shoes, I saw Ba mi running out of their room with his hands clutched to his face and blood gushing out from either his head, face or eyes. I cannot pinpoint where the blood was coming out from.  

He ran out and asked me to open the gate while he drove out.  

I got back from closing the gate and heard Aunty Deborah shouting at the top of her voice. 

” You have not seen anything, go and come back. you do not know me, emi yoo pa e.aṣiwere eniyan” she said with a loud hissed. 

EPISODE XII 

After that incident Ba mi and aunty Deborah will fight like two men and injure themselves, I try to stay away from anything that will put me in trouble. However, Aunty Deborah was always looking for ways to find faults in my actions. 

She complains about how I wash plates, clothes, sweep or how I took care of her children. I was subjected to verbal and physical abuse. There were days I was forced to stay at home because she wanted me to do one thing or the other.  

Days I went on empty stomach because I made unavoidable mistake. My body was filled with bruises. When I started menstruating it was my schoolteacher that taught me what to do. She got a pad and showed me how to use it and unfortunately if the pad should finish, I was forced to use clothes by Aunty Deborah and I always end up staining my clothes because of how I used to fix it. 

I always look forward to when Ba mi and aunty Deborah will go out so I can have some good sleep, I cannot remember the last time I had straight 4hours sleep in that house; is either I am attending to chores at night or I am making sure her children are comfortable, and thanks to the boys for always adding to my pain. 

I stopped dreaming, I stopped wanting to live, I wanted to go with mami, life was unfair to me. Living in Ba mi’s house with aunty Deborah was hell so one day I woke up with the mindset of running away. I had no place to run to, but I knew staying in Ba mi’s house made no sense anymore. I selected some clothes that my bag could carry, took daddy’s money from the drawer he usually keeps his money in if he has any money in his clothes pocket. Fortunately, I was subjected to trekking to school alone so with that freedom I went to the street. Not knowing who to meet, where to go to or what will happen to me. 

I left for good and did not look back. I trekked a very long distance, rested when my legs could not carry me, bought some roadside snacks and then continued my journey. 

The sun was sinking when I got to a woman’s shop, from afar she seemed friendly. I watched her interact with her customers, the way they were hailing her, and she responded with swaying of hands in the air as she Wingle her waist to the left and right with her smiling face.  

I went to her shop and ordered rice, fish and beans with water. After eating, I slept off on her table. The next time I would open my eyes was when she was about to close her shop. She gently pated my back and said, “ young lad, time to go home”. 

I woke up reluctantly and sat up while looking at her with no intension of standing up. she rephrases “Time to go home”.  

I looked at her, hoping she will understand my pain without words and while she was standing in a confuse state a young girl who should be my age mate came to her saying ” Mummy daddy is calling you” 

“Hello Ife mi, I am sorry. I will be on my way now” she spoke on the phone for about two minutes before turning her attention to me. ” What is the matter?” she asked. 

“I do not have a place to go, allow me to sleep here please ma” i pleaded.  

She was shocked and asked, “where is your mum?”  

“She is dead” I replied. 

I saw her face drop, she dragged a chair close to me and said, “what of your family?” 

i began to explain everything to her and before I was done her daughter was already sitting on her lap and she had tears in her eyes. The woman hugged me and said she was sorry for all I have been through.  

She allowed me to spend the night inside her shop but locked me from outside, she wanted to help but was also scared. 

That night was one of my best nights, I ate the food she gave me and slept like a newborn. I saw my mum in the dream and had a sad conversation with her. 

It was the ray of sunshine from outside that woke me up the next day. I could not believe I could ever get a long hour sleep in my entire life. I stood up and greeted her. She asked how my night was and said I will need to bathe at the back of the shop. She bought sponge and soap from a mallam beside her shop. After bathing, she got pap and Akara (beans cake) from a lady hawking. immediately I finished eating, I began to do things she asked me to do. I cleaned the tables and chairs while she was cooking. Never in my widest dream will I imagine a day will come when I live a life without fears and worries. 

I stayed in her shop for months until she trusted me enough to stay in her house. I begged her never to send me to my people and i also let her know I do not know my way back home and I do not want to go back to them. 

She will always say if I see any announcement of a missing child, I will bring them to you. I always pray for Ba mi not to look for me. Before I knew it, 2years went by so fast with the Anthonys. I became close to the daughter that everyone thinks we are siblings. Mr. Anthony did not have so much like Bami, but he was a doted father who would always spend time with his family and every night he would buy one thing or the other for his wife when coming back from work. 

Their home gave me a new meaning to what family is about and I loved and wished to have such a home.  One day Mr. Anthony said he would like me to go back to school, he doesn’t like the way I am always at his wife’s shop while his children go to school. I was enrolled in the school Jumoke his daughter was going to. in as much as the school was a public school and not as fancy as my former school, I looked forward to my first day of resumption and when it finally came it was a new beginning for me, a happy one at that! 

EPISODE XIII 

I started schooling and little by little I began to feel what true happiness feels like. There were times Mr. Anthony was brought up the issue of looking for Ba mi and I will wail, and tell them, “If I go back, I will still run” and I meant it. 

I was not ready to give up the life I was living for Ba mi and aunty Deborah no matter the price of it. I completed secondary school and Mr. Anthony, with the help of his wife, saw me through medical school. 

I saw them work tirelessly, Mrs. Anthony had to add selling of fruits to her business just for extra source of income and Mr. Anthony was always out for jobs. It was not easy training three children, Jumoke and I were in the medical line while their son Tobi was studying Mechanical engineering. 

We all went to the same university and shared one room even though Tobi was a year ahead of us. In all the struggle and pain of raising me as a medical student they never complained or made me feel I was a burden.  

They were not able to give us all we wanted but they made sure we got all that was needed. They were my reason for living, studying hard and wanting to have a better life.  

Since the day I left Ba mi, nobody looked for me or even went to any broadcast station to create awareness, Ba mi could afford it, but I guess I was not important enough for the stress. 

There were times I wish maami was like aunty Deborah who would fight back, fight to live or say no to her parents. Sometimes I think of how life would have been if Maami is alive with my sibling she was about to give to me. 

I wish she never married Bami, I had and still have lots of wishes. I miss her a lot and wish I still have her on earth with me. 

Mrs. Anthony is a mum to me; I could not have asked for a better guardian but sometimes I miss the owner of the womb that carried me. I miss her voice; I miss having conversation with my first love.  

I was living well but there was still a part of my heart that was wounded. a wound somewhere in my heart that was left unattended to and occasionally it spurs up. 

I graduated after seven years as a general practitioner and Jumoke as a Pediatrician. On our graduation day Mrs. Anthony cooked different delicacies, Live band was invited, and drinks was in surplus. We were the attention of all.  

We won lots of awards and I could hear Mrs. Anthony’s voice anytime I went up the podium to collect the award.  

My graduation day was a dream come true. The happiness on Mr. and Mrs. Anthony’s face was my reward for every stress, sweat and pain I went through in school. The hugs and praises took me off the earth and brought me back. We danced, ate and drank to our satisfaction. It was a happy and sad day for me because of the absence of maami and I will be going far from my crush Gabriel.  

Gabriel is a medical student who happens to be someone I have a soft spot for, and I feel he likes me too but is too shy and churchy to ask me out.  

We have been friends since year one and we sometimes talk romantically to each other which always send butterflies to my tummy, and I love his watery noodles he cooks for me occasionally when I visit his room. Saying goodbye after we hugged was hard, but he promised to always keep in touch.  

I went for National Youth service with Jumoke after working it out. We wanted to serve together and get job memories; it was not easy to get us to serve together but with the help of Mr. Anothy’s friend it was made possible. After our one-year service we were retained in the hospital with good pay.  

Six months after working I bought Mr. Anthony a car. He never had one even though he could afford it, but he chooses to take care of us rather than live a luxurious life. It was not his birthday or anything special. After work I asked the guy to drive the car into our compound and I blindfolded his eyes while I helped him through the door.  

Immediately Mrs. Anthony saw the decorated car with the place card “BEST DAD IN THE WORLD” She began to cry while trying to hug me. I gave her a side hug while directing Mr. Anthony to the car. 

I had planned on reading a well written speech in my paper but decided to speak from my emotions at that very moment. Neighbours were all out and I could see faces smiling which made me feel fulfilled. 

Jumoke was beside me making videos and taking pictures. As I remove the blindfold from his eyes, I stretch my hands with the keys to him saying 

” Daddy, for accepting me without questioning, for loving me like your own, for sacrificing for me, for going extra miles for me this is to say thank you daddy. You never made me feel I was a burden to you or was occupying space in your home. You never treated me like a slave. You loved me, you stood with me, you care and provide for me, thank you daddy. If you wanted to get a car back in the days, you would have but you chose to train me while suffering yourself. I promise to love you forever daddy. please manage this” I was already sobbing before I ended my speech. 

Mr. Anthony could not talk, he kept on looking at me and I saw his eyes turn red, I saw him softened by emotions.  

The atmosphere was an emotional one. I brought out drinks, played music, children were running up and down, we danced till we were all tired and everyone retired into their different apartment.  

While at work one day a nurse came to tell me that I needed to attend to emergency case in the emergency room. I do not like emergency cases, but it is part of the job. 

I quickly put on my glove, hung up my stethoscope and followed the nurse immediately.  

As the nurse opened the door and I sighted the patient, I lost my balance. 

EPISODE XIV 

I moved closer to get a better view of his face and truly it was Ba mi. Years had gone by, but his face is still as current as if I saw him a day before. I was trying to move closer to him, but my body was not responding to my command.  

There was a manifestation of circulatory failure at that moment in my body. I went to the wall for balance while looking at him and it seems as though my years of medical learning and practice left my brain. 

I could not remember anything or know what my first call of action was for emergency. I slowly dragged myself through the wall towards the door to leave. 

The nurse was saying “Doctor we are losing him, what is the matter?” 

all I could say was “call Doctor Steven”  

I gently walked out while the nurse ran to call Doctor Steven. I walked slowly to where Jumoke’s office was and on my way some patients were greeting me, and I could not respond to anyone.  

I walked into her office while she was attending to a woman with her little baby. I hugged her without explaining anything and held on to her as if I would lose my life if I let go. My tears were flowing, my heart was beating fast due to accumulated pain, Lost childhood and love not gotten from the past.  

I Held on to Jumoke and soaked her while shirt with my makeup. She was just apologizing to her client and was explaining I am a doctor here and i am also her sister.  

After spending the longest two minutes on her body I left for my office. I got my bag, rushed to my HR office and begged for a day off. She was asking what the matter was, and I told her I would be fine. 

She decided to drive me home, which I am forever grateful to her. As we were driving home, I was burning in my heart with tears running down my cheeks. I never knew I was badly hurt; I never knew how broken I was until I saw Ba mi. 

I got home and went to straight to bed. Later that night Jumoke came to assist me with my clothes, got my food ready and forced me to bathe. After bathing I saw Mr. and Mrs. Anthony in my room all looking sad. 

Mrs. Anthony came to meet me on the bed and said “Aderonke, I have always loved you and see you as my child, I have never seen you this broken. We are all worried and want you to know that we love you and will always be here for you” 

Mr. Anthony joined “Keke baby, I love you”  

as if his words were what my mouth was waiting for, I burst into tears while explaining everything that happened at the hospital. They gave their words of advice, consoled me and said I can call in sick and be at home tomorrow. 

I accepted their advice, hugged and thanked them. immediately I close my eyes to sleep, flashes of Maami crying, begging and calling for help kept coming to me. I began to see the times he would beat her, and she would still cook and serve him. as the flashes were running through my head, I began to say  

” I will kill him, I will make him pay, he will suffer till he dies, he should rot in hell”. 

Jumoke begged and told me to leave vengeance for God and I kept attacking her words because it was not making sense to me at that point. I felt she was not in my shoes, so she will never understand my pain, the rejection I faced, the trauma Ba mi put me through and days I had nightmares. It was a back-and-forth emotional wrecking night, and I was able to get two hours sleep finally.  

I woke early and got ready for work, the Anthony’s were surprised, and Mr. Anthony kept on asking if I was sure about going to work and I said yes. 

I dressed and went to work. I got to work and asked about Ba mi’s case and found out he had SCA (Sudden Cardiac Arrest) and was brought in by passerby who saw when he was slumping to the ground. 

Normally, Medical personnel are not allowed to treat close family and friends because it is believed that Professional objectivity may be compromised when an immediate family member is a patient. the physician’s personal feelings may unduly influence his or her professional medical judgment, thereby interfering with the care being delivered so I acted as if I knew him not. 

I told Doctor steven I would like to attend to him and take up from where he stopped and thanked him for helping me yesterday.  

Ba mi file was handed to me, not that I need it, I wanted to act the script well. After going through his file in a rush I went to the restroom, brought out the lethal injection. Lethal injection contains midazolam, to sedate; vecuronium bromide, to paralyze the muscles; and potassium chloride, to stop the heart. I wanted him to suffer before he dies.  

I kept the injection in my suit jacket and went to his ward. He was sleeping when I gently opened the door while making sure nobody was coming.  

I looked at his face sleeping peacefully, which intensified my anger and as I was about to administer the Lethal Injection someone burst in. 

EPISODE XV 

I stood still at the sound of the door being opened by someone. The consequences and weight of my actions came glamouring in my heart as I stood still facing Ba mi with the injection in my hand. I wished I could turn back the hands of time at that moment. 

While in the state of stupefaction I heard Jumoke voice asking me what I was doing. I relaxed my cells and let out a breath of relief, turned and handed the injection to her. Her eyeballs came out because of shock, and she asked me “are you crazy?” 

I could not speak, I just walked out to my desk thanking God it was Jumoke and not someone else. 

Jumoke came to me saying she took a week off for me because I am not mentally stable due to family issues. She promises to write an official letter, but I should leave the premises immediately. By the tone of her voice, I could sense Jumoke was angry. 

I took my bag and left, as I was going home, I kept thanking God that it was Jumoke who saw me.  

I got home and went to bed after showering and gulping down a bottle of soda because I was feeling fainting and feverish all at once.  

When Jumoke came back she woke me up and asked me to eat some peppered yam which is my favorite. After eating she said “ I knew you were up to something but will never in my weirdest dream imagine you will want to take a life. I mean, your dad’s life because of a grudge you have in your heart towards him. Aderonke, you want to lose your license, because of a grudge? have you forgotten the pain and sacrifices? you want to lose your freedom and stay behind bars? is this what you want?” She was raising the tempo of her voice at this point and i could sense concern in her expression.  

I sat still and did not say a word, as she was talking and crying, I was crying also. She promised not to tell anyone, not even her parents, but made me promise never to repeat such an evil act again. I promised her and expressed how grateful I was to her.  

Nobody came to visit Ba mi or made any deposit which made the hospital not to give him proper medication, so I transferred money to Mrs. Anthony and begged her to act as Ba mi’s sister so she can pay for his bill without Ba mi knowing. 

Ba mi was given adequate treatment after Mrs. Anthony paid his bills. Before he was to be discharged, I summoned the courage to see him. He was eating when I entered. I greeted him and introduced myself as Doctor Joy.  

He responded so humbly and nicely. He could not remember me; I do not blame him, the person sitting beside him was not the small Aderonke he left to die on the street. So, I told him I would like to get some private information about him which will help us locate his family. He said I should go ahead so I asked why none of his family members had come to see him and if he had any number for us to call.  

He said “my first wife is late, and my daughter left home years ago. my second wife left me for a richer man after selling my house and church property. I was on the road thinking of how to continue living after losing everything to a woman I thought I knew before seeing my self here.”  

I asked him if he ever looked for his daughter from his first wife. he gave a sad expression and said 

“No, I did not because my second wife threatened to leave if I go out in search of her. I know I am such a wicked father, but I loved Aderonke. I just could not afford to lose my reputation then, what will people say? They will say I cannot keep my home together even as a pastor. I loved my daughter, I truly do. “ 

Then I asked him what killed his first wife he said she slept and never woke up. That was when I lost it and shouted at him.  

“You are a lying beast Ba mi, you have not changed. you have no conscience, after all these years you are still lying about Mami’s death. I am Aderonke, the daughter you left, the daughter you killed her mother, the daughter you stole her childhood and gave her nightmares. I am Aderonke Omo Mami”  

It took him a few minutes to regain himself from the shock of my revelation. He begged and asked I forgive him. 

I responded saying “I will forgive you when I want to, you will not force that from me” he accepted and tried knowing things about me which I refuse by saying.  

“ To me you are dead; I have my own parents now and I was living a happy life before he came. I want that life to continue till I leave this earth, you cannot eat your cake and have it.” 

I gave him cash the next day to go back to his hometown and start a life since he has no house in the city anymore and that was the last day I heard or saw him. I later got married to Gabriel, Anthony’s stood as my parent. 

Gebriel and I are expecting our son soon.  

Looking back to where I was in my early life and where I am now, all I can say is grace of God and life is beautiful when you are with the right people. Family is not all about blood anymore, but it is about love.  

I miss Mami and wish she choose herself instead of choosing a man who could not love or treat her well. 

To everyone going through domestic violence, if you do not leave to live now, you will one day leave this earth and while everyone moves on, your children will never move on.  

They will forever miss your love, care and support. Your spouse’s new lover may or may not be nice to them and in the end the children you brought to this world will be hunted by evil nightmares.  

To couples, you can make or destroy your life by how you treat your spouse. 

THE END.